Never Stop Growing

We constantly talk about our children's growth, but what about ours?  How are we being ever-transformed by God and inwardly changed?  This article by Keri Wyatt Kent addresses our need to grow and be filled by God so we may pour into the lives entrusted to us.  

Never Stop Growing

Keri Wyatt Kent 

posted 2/06/2009

My neighbor to the east has at least a dozen ancient fir trees on his property. They're taller than the house, though still not as tall as the willows along the fence line. While their quiet dark green blends in with the other trees in summer, they are conspicuous in winter, especially in the early morning, silhouetted black against the lightening sky.

I sip coffee and look out my kitchen window at their familiar, imposing outlines. How many years have I stood in this kitchen, sipping coffee early in the morning, looking out at those same trees? It feels comforting and yet it brings a certain restlessness. When does routine turn into rut?

My son, who it seems yesterday was the baby on my hip, folds his lanky frame into a chair to eat his breakfast. The view from my window is the same, but here in my house my children are changing before my eyes into teenagers. This keeps things interesting.

As they grow and change, I wonder—am I? Am I growing and shifting, learning enough to keep up with them? I see parenting as a complex arrangement, at least part of which is the spiritual discipling of my son and daughter. I cannot give away what I don't have. Am I filled up enough to pour into them? Though they have grown taller than me, I realize I must be mindful to nurture and notice the changes.

As we do ministry, it sometimes feels like the same scene is played out again and again. We may become weary of doing the good work that God has called us to do. We may feel we are wearing a rut in the floor of the nursery, having walked that same path for so long. We may tire of bounding hormones and interpersonal drama that marks junior high ministry. Our steadfastness can begin to feel like stuckness.

And yet, we get to witness the unfolding of persons and to play a role in that. We see these children growing, learning. Sometimes we watch as they make mistakes or seem to wander from the truth we've so diligently taught them. While this is painful, we must remember our limitations and that God is ultimately in control.

We are called to help children grow closer to God. But our effectiveness is limited when we attend only to their growth and ignore our own progress. While we may not be changing as dramatically as the children we lead, God did not create us to stagnate. That's the reason for this column: to encourage you to care for your own soul, to take time to nurture your relationship with God so that you can continue to grow. Our change may not be as dramatic, but we must continue to seek God, to allow him to transform our spirits. When we stop growing, we die.

The pines are not going anywhere and yet they are very much alive. If they weren't, they would no longer be here. In the ten years I've been living in this house, those trees have grown taller—so slowly that I haven't noticed it. They've provided shade, oxygen, beauty, and of course shelter for squirrels and birds. While I cannot see it, there is plenty of activity—sap flowing, photosynthesis, and so on—that keeps the trees green and vibrant even in the coldest winter. The trees are steadfast, yet growing. Although I take them for granted, I'm blessed by their presence.

The children you minister to or are raising in your home are counting on you to remain steadfast, to be dependable. They are blessed by your presence—even if they don't say so. If you're to continue to minister to them, you must stay alive and continue to grow. The activity may be mostly on the inside. Any time you invest in your own spiritual growth—times of prayer, of study, of solitude, of rest—will benefit not just you but the people you lead. This is what will keep you steadfast and growing.

Keri Wyatt Kent is a speaker, freelance writer and author of six books, including Rest: Living in Sabbath Simplicity.

Friends Forever

I was five and ill-prepared for Kindergarten.  I was the kid that had a special desk by the teacher. It was a desk of sympathy and solitude because I cried so much and was painfully frightened to be around the other children. Except Christine. Christine befriended me day one. She held my hand when my mother had to leave, and she did not stop.  

Over two decades later (and then some), she is still a beloved and treasured soulmate. I am so grateful for the longevity, depth and benevolence bred in our long friendship.  It is with great tenderness that I watch our kiddos, just a few months apart in age, learn to share, care, and be friends too.  

Tomorrow I will enjoy high tea with Stine for her birthday.  I remember when we would remark in birthday cards in high school how amazing it was we had been friends, for like, 11 years.  We've stopped counting now.  We're just so glad to be together.  Proverbs says that a friend loves at all times and sticks closer than a brother (or in my case, sister). Now that I have children of my own, I pray for the friendships that will enter their lives.  I know there will be many formative people in their lives and I pray our children are influenced by nurturing, constant, kind friends who journey with them though thick and thin, showing them first hand Jesus' love. And I pray they become these kinds of friends too.

Here's to the Stines!  

NEW TIME for FAMJAM- 9am!

Next Sunday, January 25th is the last Sunday of the month, which means FAMJAM time! FAMJAM will now be at 9am in the Fellowship Hall.  At 8:30am however, for you earlier risers, there will be supervised playground time for kids, as well as nursery care, and coffee & bagels for adults in FH.  Also, kids PreK-5th will enjoy the monthly Celebration Sunday during our 10am service.  We are excited to connect with you in 2009, and enjoy family life together.    

Great Job Kids!

Teens all the way down to shepherds 2-years-old participated in "Night of Wonder, Night of Joy."  They performed four songs in front of a packed house, with a sprinkling of solos from Audrey Brown, Claire Brown, and Matt Wood.  They not only sang, motioned and looked adorable, they also had to wait a painfully long time before and during the show with added narration and an adult choir piece.  And they rocked it!  We lost a few headresses by the end, but endured no tantrums and lost no spirit.  There is something so tender, so real about seeing children sing out to God and our faith family.  Their sense of wonder and childlike faith has challenged me this Christmas.

Toolbox Fun on a Rainy Day

The toolboxes given out at FAMJAM are not intended to provide a comprehensive spiritual rhythm for families. They are designed to provoke questions, and hopefully inspire faith rhythms that are sustainable and life-giving for your family. So, even though I create these boxes, I tweak them according to our family dynamics and needs.  

Today's rain provided the perfect time to do some indoor activities.  Eli was zealous about making a Christmas wreath. Between the crafts coming home from preschool and Sunday School, along with the wealth of childhood decorations I inherited and some new, our house gets more cluttered each week. But almost everything we make and have around cultivates dialogue and points to the momentum of the season, culminating in Jesus' birth.  The wreath offered Eli and I the chance to talk about Noah and the Flood, the badness of people, God's promise, and how Jesus' coming a long time later was like the top of the mountain of God's promise.  It was the high point.  The shiniest point that is most special and catches our eye.  The icing on the cupcake.  Ahhh, Jesus becomes a little more clear, and that dove reminds us of the peace he offers our hearts.  Peace that wasn't so present this morning in our dealings with baby brother. But we'll try harder after naps.

And then we rolled our worries away to God, which I anticipated may make no sense to him. He was excited about playing a ball game, and I explained I would be writing fears on each ball and we would throw and roll them away. So the biggies came out...sharks (because of the teeth, pictured), Santa Clause (because I just don't know him and he always tries to hug; great point), and dogs (especially when they bite).  I was pleasantly surprised he got the concept and zealously shouted, 'let's throw them to God!  Let's get rid of 'em!' Not sure how fully comprehends the symbolism, and yet I am still mesmerized by how God stirs in the deep places of such young beings.

It forces me to think of my own fears and the things that rob me of

peace. Eli's fears revolve around safety and security.  They are fears that he has no control over.  In his little mind, what will that dog do? How do I know Santa is kind or good and not a creepy man (uhhh, that may be a legitimate one to hold on to)? If I go in the ocean, will there be a shark? I do have some physical fears (like my lifetime phobia of vomiting or fear of rape) but almost all the fear in my life is rooted in relationship, in disappointment with myself and others, in the deep realities of sin. I almost long for that childhood place of being afraid of shark teeth, rather than the daily and growing awareness of sin and how it permeates life.  But, God wants these rolled his way too. Stress and sin and complicated relationships and character flaws are not too much for him, nor too nebulous. And today, in the rain that just scared my two-year-old during his nap, I am grateful that God is present with us in the unnatural, illogical, and painfully real and legitimate fears that exist in our lives.  And none are a match for his peace.

Healthy Toys

I was surprised to discover the toys deemed safe, and those considered very unhealthy for our young ones.  One in every three of the more than 1,500 children's toys tested in time for the holiday shopping season have been found to contain medium or high levels of chemicals of concern, such as: lead, mercury, cadmium and arsenic. 

Children's jewelry remains the most contaminated product category, maintaining its spot at the top of HealthyToys.org's "worst" list for a second year (including High School Musical and Hannah Montana jewelry).

Read a news article on the findings at http://www.commondreams.org/headline/2008/12/03-2.

Look up toys and statistics at http://www.HealthyToys.org.

Easy Outs on Hard Days

Last week I had an interaction with a mother ushering her children away from church quickly.  It was a tough moment for her, and I made it worse by offering to pack up some cookies & crafts for the kids to enjoy later.  Absolutely not.  And I understood completely.  I knew circumstances well.  When my boys are bad, I quickly pack them up (so they won't be rewarded for bad behavior or ruin someone else's time).  But if my mother is there, she often coos over them offering stickers and sweets to smooth tantrums, behavior in my own childhood which, by the way, would have resulted in serious spankings (but these are 'innocent' grandchildren).  The thought of rewarding my children for such disruption infuriates me, so I should have known better when interacting with this mother.

Oh, how I would long to shove a cookie into my child's mouth to pacify him in his worst moments, and that would be the easy out.  Parenting well on hard days requires more.  And this "more" often involves jeopardizing our own fun, peace, and reputation.  However, the long-term benefits are invaluable.  I have to be committed to this longer process.  

I had my moment this morning when meeting a different fellow church mom & pal for a playdate at Java Mama's.  We were late because Amos fell before we left, which launched a meltdown.  He perked up when we arrived and had a wonderful time.  Eli, on the other hand, turned into a little tornado of furry, greed, volume, and rage.  Despite the sizable play area with stairs, slides, books, toys, and video, he just could not play nice or share.  He even shoved aside children younger than him to go down the slide.  Unfortunately, Jeremy had the keys to the car and was down the street.  So, the normal reprimands followed.  Time-outs, longer time-outs, conversations, removal from play area, had to sit with the adults.  The spiral began.  He saw a cupcake, I said no - flip out.  He wanted to play, I said no, he was receiving a bad consequence for bad behavior - flip out.  And on.  It never got better.  

At one point, in a separate play room, a woman with her grandchild offered Eli a ride on the "rollercoaster" car ride.  I said, no thank you, he is not allowed on it (this after Eli had refused to share with other children & thrown a fit).  She insisted and offered Eli a ride, "Wouldn't you like a turn?"  Umm yah, but he is not ALLOWED another turn.  Would he have stopped crying and screaming to be given another turn?  Sure.  Would it have made my experience easier and less embarrassing?  Sure.  Would it have produced a child who learns the consequences of his actions?  No way.  Would it have taught him that he can behave like a terror and still get his way, especially in public?  Yup.  

So, I move on.  I know he's just a little guy and I know our long weekend probably contributed to his poor behavior, but that still doesn't mean it is okay.  The times when I have been called out for sin or received negative consequences for my poor actions (strained relationships or whatever) are the times that served as catalysts for lasting change.  It's never fun at the time, but the discipline does contribute to lasting change and heart renovation.  I want that for myself and I want that for my children.  So though I may do this poorly at times, I will still strive to avoid easy outs on hard days.